What To Consider When Setting Boundaries

Updated: Apr 24

The general idea when it comes to the concept of boundaries is that they are important for establishing a sense of identity, well-being, and autonomy.

Whether or not you understand them, or consciously practice setting them, there are easy clues that can help point toward your need for them. Anytime you react in anger, for example, is a place where a line has been crossed. Boundary lines can also become visible in the areas of our lives and relationships where resentment or bitterness lingers.

However, simply setting better boundaries is advice that I think is bypass-y and very unhelpful. There are deeper and more nuanced layers to boundary work. Creating healthy boundaries is not only about finding the right words or mustering enough courage to speak up because it does not consider the larger picture.

To build a strong and stable foundation when consciously working with boundaries, one must consider the nervous system.

The decision not to set a boundary (or when they are made weak or unclear) has to do with fear - what we fear will happen next. The consequences of our truth, if you will. And our bodily response to fear is held within the nervous system.

If you reflect back on a time when saying Yes or No in a situation was uncomfortable. What was happening in your body? Were there feelings of vulnerability, lack of safety, or discomfort? And what was the next action you took because of those feelings? Did you want to take it back? Did you make yourself or someone else wrong? Did you engage in self-sabotaging behavior?

Attempting to set a boundary without understanding or considering the state of your nervous system (and what it actually has the capacity for) could backfire or produce little or no effect. You could be left feeling that you were wrong. Wrong about speaking up for what you truly want or need. Additionally, attempting to assert a boundary over top of a nervous system that is fragmented or dysregulated is dangerous in that it could cause further dysregulation, or perpetuate further self-doubt.

Cultivating healthy boundaries needs a nervous system that has the capacity to hold new territory. A nervous system that has the ability to hold a new empowering choice.

Embodiment practices like the Non-Linear Movement Method® allow you to be in relationship with your nervous system in a way that is truly supportive. Allowing you to tend to the body in this way consistently creates safety and trust, and increases its capacity for more.

Starting April 3, I am offering a new Non-Linear Movement Method® program called THE PRACTICE: Exploring Boundaries where we will explore this foundational piece to cultivating healthy boundaries. Throughout the 4 weekly LIVE online classes we will;

Explore the nervous system's sense of safety through grounding and establishing energetic boundaries as well as explore saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ through the body.

Working with boundaries will always reveal to us more about ourselves, rather than anyone else, and finding that sense of identity is where true autonomy begins. But taking a powerful stand needs consensus from the body, as the transmission of that stand will always be felt, more so, than heard.

Check out the link below for more information on the program.

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